ABSOLUTION poem

Used to want to hate you

For everything you did

Because it would’ve been easier

Than loving you through the pain

Every time you pushed the knife deep

Every time you lied to me

Every time I let you bulldoze

Over my boundaries

Every time you treated me like I was

Just someone else you could take from

I just wished I could reverse because

Knowing what I allowed kills

Because I knew better

I never allowed myself to love anyone

As much as I loved you because

I knew better, but what’s worse

Is that I have to admit to myself

That it was always one sided

And two years of you is gone

I lost the person I would’ve

Done anything for

I lost the kind man I met

He’s gone

Like vapor in the wind

For now I don’t recognize you

And it scares me a little

Looking around and seeing

Nobody but me picking up

The pieces after

The hurricane named you

Dramatic you may say

But it’s the truth

I never wanted to be in this deep

I wanted to walk away so many times

I remember the first time I told u

I don’t want to be around you as much

Anymore, I didn’t know that hurt you

As much as it did, I didn’t really care

Not at first, but when you asked me

Why I wasn’t in your life and you

Needed me in your life, I thought

Wow he wants me around

There must be value and impact

That I have then

I can hear you echo

In my memories saying

“We gotta find a way to

Make this work”

“You gotta stay in my life”

How do you go from that to

You know what no, not worth

Mentioning, But I’m releasing you

Forgiveness, the best thing I could

Do for me, and you

ABSOLUTION

I don’t know when

I don’t know how

But what I do know is

I’m going to get there

That I’m going to be okay

That I did have real love for you

That it did mean something

That even though

You couldn’t see it, or see me

It was always there and so was I

Loving

Waiting

Hoping

Protecting

Holding on to you

But it’s time, time to set me free

Time to set you free

Letting this love go, let the trauma go

Letting peace find me, and you

I will always remember

and love the man I met

The warrior, the teacher

The friend